The empty swing 



I look down at her

Singing “the empty swing”

Rocking my empty cradle 

Dabbing her tears with my onsy

As she folds them all away


I look down at her

Sitting beside an empty swing

Trying to write about me

Countless words they would overwhelm

 She never writes past my name 


I look down at her

Looming over an empty swing 

Staring deep at my only photograph

A tiny mass of flesh then

She will never make out my face


I look down at her 

Looking up from an empty swing 

Asking if I am okay 

But we are worlds apart 

I cannot answer 


I look down at her

Pushing on an empty swing

With longing in her eyes

They tell she misses me

I miss her too



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The final blow

He had become an enigma

Loved to embellish 

She hated it

She never fancied Pinocchio 

Preferred everything in plain 

Clarity

She hated his suprises

There was always another woman in the wrapper 

She was hurt-weary 

Her mind was made

She will leave him tonight 

Present all in candor

Tonight 


The cuckoo cried midnight

Sleep eluded the nervous bundle 

Her eyes were red from bawling

Reminiscing of when they loved fiercely 

Though she gazed at the stars, he promised the moon and she settled 

The devil’s pawn 

He now stirred dark storms

Her walls cannot withstand 

It has to end

Tonight 

Gone were the days of pure simple bliss

Those she pined for

Now she struggled unavailing 

She couldn’t do it further 

It will end

Tonight 


Krrriiiinng! Krrriiiinng!

The door bell went 

It was time

The longest walk of her life

But 

Cops?

Yes… 

Her stomach churned 

Husband… DUI…Fatal 

He won 

Yet again 

He won 

It was the final blow

At every word 

Everything in her broke

Save for the silence that followed 


Solitary

She was artificially alive 

Stared into oblivion for hours on end 

Her head was tilted to the left, creating a stream of drool on her cheek 

It dripped forming a puddle beneath 

She was immobile 

Thanks to the thousands of pills she was fed 

They were meant to save her from herself  

From her demons 

All her empty mind could fixate on, was a stone 

She liked the stone 

A quiet companion 

It was grey

Matchy matchy with the four walls 

It had tears, some deeper than others 

 Where did they come from?

Probably from the cruelty of other stones 

If  stone world was anything like the human world 

There it was

In her horrid space 

Its cuts were art like 

They formed stripes of dark and bright which gave depth 

A deepness that went for eons 

The cusps on its surface revealed glittering grains 

Bright dots that seemed hot to the touch 

Its pretty must lay in the inside 

Its edges were assymetric 

As if it rebelled, refused to conform to the idea of beauty  in perfect symmetry 

She envied the stone, wondered what it thought of her 

Her cuts 

Scratches, spread out in no particular direction 

The stench of bitterness she breathed out 

The aura of defeat that lingered 

She was locked away, tethered to deep rooted self pity 

Engulfed in a whirlwind of ire brewed by the voices 

She was always angry 

The voices enraged her

They never shut up!

They held convos that made no sense 

Threw accusations 

Followed by absolutions 

Then offered penance, for whatever she might or might not have done 

A miserable waste of skin, they called her 

All by her lonesome, she couldn’t ward them off 

How did she get herself here? 

How did she get stuck in her mind?

How did she get herself in the madhouse? 













The Night Walker

She needed a break

Her throat was dry

Her feet hurt

Her wig itched 

Plus 

She needed another bump 

Her conscience was coming back

Bad for business 


She always wore black 

The perfect camouflage 

Bright revealed too much

A lot shone through 

This was no place for feelings 

Sexual healing was her major

They needn’t see the sadness 

They needn’t see the shame

Bad for business 


She cut herself 

It raised  her threshold for pain

Increased her endurance 

Some clients had no bounds 

They lit her hell

And always paid well 

Whenever she descends into the underworld

She  clinches a blade 

Pain is a hindrance 

Bad for business


She went to church 

But never prayed

Never looked up

Her eyes will sell her out 

HE will look into the depths of her globes and get lost in the darkness within 

HE bought her at a price 

She sold herself at a price 

Guilt is what she didn’t need

Bad for business 


It stroke midnight 

Break was over 

Deep within her cleavage

Laid the “white girl”

With one mighty whiff 

The Night Walker was reawakened

She strode off into the dark

Glassy-eyed

Weightless 

Confident





My fears 

I’m afraid of not being able to live

Of having nothing in which to believe 

Note that, living is not inhaling and exhaling 

But 

Family, friendship

Laughter, love 

Praying, praising, worshipping the Lord 

He is life in it’s fullness 


I’m afraid of not being able to see color

The collage that is in life

Not because I’m blind

No

But because my existence is riddled with strife

Blinded by all the dull moments I encounter 

Made sightless from hardening my heart 

Not wanting to get up, let go, move on whenever I fall


I’m afraid of losing myself to material things 

Those that will not love me back, but will always be on my back 

Them that will cause me to be ever anxious, restless,  suspicious 

They become my little gods, a minute without them feels odd

Dead gods that offer no consolation or solution in times of confusion 


I’m afraid of living my life online

Where everything is base on lies

A world where genuine human emotions are replaced by emoticons

A combination of numbers, letters and punctuation marks 

A place of nothing but wireless connections 

And I’m left wondering why real connections are less


I’m afraid of ending up in a loveless union

One with so many unpleasant layers like an onion 

Because I lost patience

Took matters into my own hands

Found Mr. Left, forced the guy to the right

Then

My happy never after 


Im afraid of bearing children and not being able to raise them on the right foundation 

Just give them life and leave them to rot in it

Bringing forth a generation that looks at God in the rearview mirror 

One that equates love to sex

Two perfects gifts from God destroyed

Paying no mind to the consequences 


I’m afraid of death

Of dying with nothing to show for

The terror that one day my curtains will be drawn

And I will go yonder

What’s behind the curtains 

I wonder 


I’m afraid of never seeing El-Shaddai 

After I die

Of never sitting at Jesus’ feet and listening to His wisdom that does not wither 

Of never singing with the angels and saints in the gardens where we shall gather 

All because I live recklessly in the smoke that is my youth 

Because I seek worldly attention 

Afraid to look uncool

Forgetting my end is nigh


Being locked out of the Golden Gates

Is my greatest fear







I’m yours 

Lover

Make me yours

 Forever 

Girt me with kisses 

Talk soft in my ear

On my tippy toes I reach for your lips

The gentle brush of your finger tips 

Cooks up a tornado of emotions 

They rip through my bod

Every nerve fires up 

Sending signals up my brain

Every neuron electrifies

Searing heat builds in my inner thighs 

My hearts pounds in anticipation

My legs tremble 

My blood boils 

Eagles raid my tummy 

I close my eyes 

The moment is unreal 

Lover 

Make  me yours 

Forever

Goodbye thief

He was a man

An image of imperfection

I was intrigued

A diamond in the rough 

Mine to shine

His body was not of a god

His clads were not made of gold

But he was mine to keep

He made my dreams

 Day and night 

He stole all my emotions

They were at his mercy 


See

when I was young, and I was down 

My mommy would take me to town

Buy me a little white gown

And it would end my frown

She said:

“One day you will meet a prince , have on a bigger white gown, and a gold band on your finger “

The princes 

She never told me they were like roses, beautiful but with pricks

Like foxes, with bags of tricks


See thief

I remember all your lies

You mean the world to me”

I should have known your world was the 3×6 bed

“You complete me”

I should have known you were a puzzle with 10,000 pieces 

“You see right through me”

I should have known it was because you had nothing solid to bounce back the light to my eyes

I remember the day you stole my heart 

There was an epic battle in my being

My heart held a mutiny against my head 

The little dictator 


Since then all I see is the back of your head

You stole the softness in my voice

Left me with grit

You stole my womanly pride 

I never got to be your bride 

In your eyes I was a desperate lover

You needed to take cover

You played your game well

I concede  this round of battle 

But I will come back full throttle

Goodbye thief